When I grow old I wanna be like...

Her. Remember her from Twister?

She played Meg Greene, the aunt. She was an easy going, always cooking for everyone, anyone can come over, but I still won't put up with your shit, person. Not that I cook. Because I don't. Hours of cooking for 10 minutes of eating? Not my thing. She plays a similar role in True Blood.

And...

Her.

You remember the Fockers? Well, Barbara did a great impression of who I want to be when I grow older. Her demeanor, her attitude about sex, the way she's so into her husband.

I used to be such an affectionate person. I know what happened to it, but I just can't seem to break out of my spell now. It's like being a dog that gets hit on the nose with a newspaper over and over. You just stop trying after a while. Past relationships have such a bearing on how we are in current relationships. Even though I tell myself to let go, and I feel like I have let go, my actions deny it.

I also know that it is in my blood to be high stress. I stress out easily. I'm a control freak. When you hit your thirties it's very difficult to change the way you've learned to be over three decades. A Scorpio is always a Scorpio, I have to deal with that.

But my dream is to someday find a way to let it all go. Not to be worried about every little thing. Have more fun and not get stressed out all the time. Stop punching the clock so much and open up my world to "easygoing". Do you know how hard it is to be easygoing? I do.